Sit has been little over month since I started College and so far I am loving it even my not so favorite class but the overall experiences has been a great one of course that may change come finals time lol.....
That was just right after College started with 2 major 3-D art project, 2 major graphic art projects, and Midterms tests taken. Yet it still remains the same on how I feel. I have had a lot of highs and even more lows where I thought "What the hell am I thinking?" to the classic one "I am not good enough to be here am too stupid!"... But I have made it though, my gpa stands at a 3.94. I am less than 0.06 point away from a perfect 4.0 GPA can't complain. Well I could but not the point lol. So along this road to self discovery from working to going to school. I have learn not only who my friends are but who really cares for me and supporting me. I have had to cut a lot of people out of my life. Family even, cause they did not support me and who I am. Also btw I am not straight or bi or gay!! I am across between Demisexual and Pansexual(well in retrospect I am a bit of all of them according to the test they give u to label you. I am 90% Pansexual, Demisexual 92%, Sapiosexual 81%(which with this one anyone can be it not just gay or bi ect ect), Asexual 79% and according to my doc it not normal to be all but then again I never been known to be normal lol) and I swear right here and right now if anyone doesn't like it well go ahead and delete yourself from my life!!!!!
Now with that being said.. I figure I just talk a bit about what I see going on. A lot of people say they care for me or they care for one another but it seems that the word care is just like the word love. It is becoming a dirty four letter word people just throw out to make themselves look good or better about themselves. I on the other hand do not use the word care or love to just anyone. With that being said it makes me seem like a cold hearted bitch or frozen bitch, When in fact it show that I rather am careful of those four letter words. I am not perfect by any means of the word . In fact am so far from perfect I am imperfect. I have flaws and make mistakes am only a human, or humanized as I like to call it. For I am only me, I do not fit in this world. I am a walking contradiction to the very nature of what a person should be according to society hell even in human nature. I do not claim to be someone I am not. I am just me and me is who I am nothing more nothing less. I do however am a passionate person and when I do care for someone it is passionately. Almost to the fault of being taken advantage of and I will stand by them even if they are in the wrong. BUT if my trust and faith is broken in them then I slowly weaned myself out of their lives and no longer have nothing to do with them. For once the trust or faith in them is gone it is very hard to believe anything they say or do without thinking as they are lieing to me or using me for their own gain.. Most likely 9.99 out of 10 they are doing just that. Could I or should I change who I am? No, I can not change who I am any more than a Zebra changing it stripes to spots. Believe me I have tried it nearly killed me and I am not joking. I wish I was making this up but sadly I am not.. I see more than others, I feel more than others and I unfortunately know more then others ( this not meaning I am better then others just means I am different then Others no better no worse than anyone else). It seems to be a lonely place at time and sometimes it okay. Yes, there are other out there somewhat like me but not very close. They have a few things common with me but not a lot. Hell even some test, charts and such can not keep up with me. I rank so far off the charts on things I am consider unranked (or unrankable) lol. How? You ask well maybe one day I sit down and explain it to you or tell you my story. But today is not the day for that nor do I feel you can handle it very well .. Hell most I do tell end up not handling it very well and either they distinct themselves from me or stop being my friend all together.. It okay do not feel sorry for me I am use to it.. I figure the saying "When the lward made me he broke the mold!" wasn't just a phrase that's thrown around lightly when it comes to me. Cause it is defiantly the case about me.. I am something this world has never seen or most likely will again but enough about that. So with all that said I get back to m point for it seems I sorta went off in a different direction lol. What mainly just want to know is why you guys use the word "Love" or "Care for" against others but never step up and truly mean it or at the very least if mean it really show it. They say picture are worth a 1000 words but action is priceless when it come to mean of what you say or do! Well I guess I can say the moral of all this is ALL of YOU PEOPLE need to stop saying you care or love someone when in fact all you want is what they can give you.. Folks love and care is not or should not be considered a dirty four letter word like it is now but a word that has real meaning of the absolute truth behind it ... And folk remember life is short for tomorrow never promised and yesterday gone today is the present a gift given to us all. Take care of the gift you are given and use it wisely for you never know what your actions or words may do for or to someone else.. Know I am here for all that need me no matter what time it is or when. I will always do my best to help you.. so with this I bid you all ado of farwell and warm thoughts and well wishes.. May the Spirits find you in great peace and joy and may all your dreams and wishes come true and sweet dreams my dear friend.. until I see you in another time and planes of this life ... do as you want done to you... Angela
That was just right after College started with 2 major 3-D art project, 2 major graphic art projects, and Midterms tests taken. Yet it still remains the same on how I feel. I have had a lot of highs and even more lows where I thought "What the hell am I thinking?" to the classic one "I am not good enough to be here am too stupid!"... But I have made it though, my gpa stands at a 3.94. I am less than 0.06 point away from a perfect 4.0 GPA can't complain. Well I could but not the point lol. So along this road to self discovery from working to going to school. I have learn not only who my friends are but who really cares for me and supporting me. I have had to cut a lot of people out of my life. Family even, cause they did not support me and who I am. Also btw I am not straight or bi or gay!! I am across between Demisexual and Pansexual(well in retrospect I am a bit of all of them according to the test they give u to label you. I am 90% Pansexual, Demisexual 92%, Sapiosexual 81%(which with this one anyone can be it not just gay or bi ect ect), Asexual 79% and according to my doc it not normal to be all but then again I never been known to be normal lol) and I swear right here and right now if anyone doesn't like it well go ahead and delete yourself from my life!!!!!
Now with that being said.. I figure I just talk a bit about what I see going on. A lot of people say they care for me or they care for one another but it seems that the word care is just like the word love. It is becoming a dirty four letter word people just throw out to make themselves look good or better about themselves. I on the other hand do not use the word care or love to just anyone. With that being said it makes me seem like a cold hearted bitch or frozen bitch, When in fact it show that I rather am careful of those four letter words. I am not perfect by any means of the word . In fact am so far from perfect I am imperfect. I have flaws and make mistakes am only a human, or humanized as I like to call it. For I am only me, I do not fit in this world. I am a walking contradiction to the very nature of what a person should be according to society hell even in human nature. I do not claim to be someone I am not. I am just me and me is who I am nothing more nothing less. I do however am a passionate person and when I do care for someone it is passionately. Almost to the fault of being taken advantage of and I will stand by them even if they are in the wrong. BUT if my trust and faith is broken in them then I slowly weaned myself out of their lives and no longer have nothing to do with them. For once the trust or faith in them is gone it is very hard to believe anything they say or do without thinking as they are lieing to me or using me for their own gain.. Most likely 9.99 out of 10 they are doing just that. Could I or should I change who I am? No, I can not change who I am any more than a Zebra changing it stripes to spots. Believe me I have tried it nearly killed me and I am not joking. I wish I was making this up but sadly I am not.. I see more than others, I feel more than others and I unfortunately know more then others ( this not meaning I am better then others just means I am different then Others no better no worse than anyone else). It seems to be a lonely place at time and sometimes it okay. Yes, there are other out there somewhat like me but not very close. They have a few things common with me but not a lot. Hell even some test, charts and such can not keep up with me. I rank so far off the charts on things I am consider unranked (or unrankable) lol. How? You ask well maybe one day I sit down and explain it to you or tell you my story. But today is not the day for that nor do I feel you can handle it very well .. Hell most I do tell end up not handling it very well and either they distinct themselves from me or stop being my friend all together.. It okay do not feel sorry for me I am use to it.. I figure the saying "When the lward made me he broke the mold!" wasn't just a phrase that's thrown around lightly when it comes to me. Cause it is defiantly the case about me.. I am something this world has never seen or most likely will again but enough about that. So with all that said I get back to m point for it seems I sorta went off in a different direction lol. What mainly just want to know is why you guys use the word "Love" or "Care for" against others but never step up and truly mean it or at the very least if mean it really show it. They say picture are worth a 1000 words but action is priceless when it come to mean of what you say or do! Well I guess I can say the moral of all this is ALL of YOU PEOPLE need to stop saying you care or love someone when in fact all you want is what they can give you.. Folks love and care is not or should not be considered a dirty four letter word like it is now but a word that has real meaning of the absolute truth behind it ... And folk remember life is short for tomorrow never promised and yesterday gone today is the present a gift given to us all. Take care of the gift you are given and use it wisely for you never know what your actions or words may do for or to someone else.. Know I am here for all that need me no matter what time it is or when. I will always do my best to help you.. so with this I bid you all ado of farwell and warm thoughts and well wishes.. May the Spirits find you in great peace and joy and may all your dreams and wishes come true and sweet dreams my dear friend.. until I see you in another time and planes of this life ... do as you want done to you... Angela
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