Well Hello to those out there I am not even sure if anyone reads this or not a lot have said they do but I don't know. But anyway Hi to ya anyways.. I been doing some thinking. Yes it a dangerous thing but since my mind never know how to shut off. I think I am good for now or at the very least this time around. As I was saying I have been thinking a lot and i do mean a lot. I touch basis on how the word love or care about you is thrown around like it candy. I still stand by that but now it even down to Loyalty and honesty is not a option or a thought any more. It is like this words are meaningless too. I do not understand how anyone expect to live in a world where Honesty and Loyalty is something where only place you find it is in a book or fairy tail. Look we are in a world where young mother have children and instead of standing up and raising the child the grandparent is doing it while she out at the bar playing pool or drinking cause she now legal age to get into one or where the children have no respect for their parents and parents do not make their child responsible for their actions. Where friends are not your friends but closer to a enemy. Where the so called Friend rather leave you high and dry cause of the fact they can get dick/pussy from a another person who does not even have your friends best interest at heart. Where family is more a stranger to you then a real stranger. The worse one is where stranger show you more love then your own blood family! But yet you are consider the black sheep of the family.(incert rolling eye here) How can a friend of over 23 plus year just stop talking to you cause you can no longer let them walk all over you or cause you going back to do something for yourself and your children. The list can go on and on and on but i won't keep going you be here for days .
I just do not get it I really don't . Please do not get me wrong I am not perfect far from it. I forget to call or text. I can get into something I am doing and lose track of time. Hell I can forget important dates (and if it wasn't for the calendar on my phone I so be screwed). So with that being said I am sure someone can say something bad about me but honestly I do try; nevertheless At least I am Honest and Loyal. Sometimes I wonder if this is not a fucked up warp dream and not reality. So that someday I wake up and all this had not happen I be a child again or even adult with no children ect ect. maybe like the Matrix reality of shit I swear there are and have been way too many times I had the feeling of Deja Vu. I swear it seems to be happening a lot more lately then before. Now do not get your panties in a bunch I am not going all Paronora on you just stating some ideas we are all title to them.
I mean Seriously ... IS THERE ANYONE REALLY OUT THERE????
I know I am a walking paradox or even a oxymoron when it comes to who, what I am, what I like and don't like. But sometimes I swear it lonely being me. I can't have close friends I can depend on because everyone always either goes away or end up failing me. Cant have a relationship cause I am to damaged to even begin to trust someone in that close again. Hell the one freaking time I did even try to let someone in he hurt me so bad i swear my heart shattered to the point I don't even think it can be fix.
I know I am 100 shades of fuck upness with more Demons and baggage than one person can dare ever handle let alone take on. I been literally been through Hell and back too many time to count. I swear I think I got a Timeshare there with rental property next to the Golden Gate Bridge in the Beach front property in the Desert. Its been that much, I have been through things that make the tiny hair on the back of your neck raise up. But honestly I think I am doing better then most would have if they went through it. Am I Normal? Hell to the No I am not! Am I a tad bit crazy Yes to all that is Holy I sure am. But seriously who wouldn't be after all that. Do I know why I have gone through all that .. No I do not sometime I wish I did but just like the fact I can not remember a lot of thing cause my mind has blocked me from it. For what I do remember is enough to make a Hit movie out of, I am not joking. I do not even get scared on or by scary movies I just either shake my head or I end up laughing at it think really folks. What makes things worse for me is I know so many things about the people around me. Some are from them telling or doing it in front of me but most of it really they never told a soul But I know . No I won't say who or what. It none of anyone business. But you think people would stop trying to hurt me or piss me off .. i swear If I wasn't such a nice person I wouldn't let karma do her job I do it for her but at last I am to nice for my own good I can't do it that way . Sometimes I wish I was maybe I wouldn't get hurt so much.
Guess we never know will we smdfh.... Well folks I rambled enough for tonight I got some school work to get done and I wanna watch a few episodes of True Blood before I turn in gotta work a long shift tomorrow Yay me well at least it with a manager I like lol so I bid You all ado sweet dreams and remember folks watch what you say or how you say it and try to be a bit more nice to to other for you never know who really needs it .. take care and till we see each other again ..." Goodnight My Captain my captain" ... Angela
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