DID NOT WANT TO BOTHER YOU! By Angela Summers (©®™2008-AHS-B-SAW-Company-2016 ™®© - NO SHARING OF WORKED UNLESS WRITER HAS AGREED)
Would you know I am fighting daily a battle again something you can not see?
Would you know I am struggling daily to find a reason to live and love?
Would you REALLY know what going on in my life?
Would you know what I am going through?
Would you believe only the small fraction of what you see then what really going on?
Would you know the hurtful words you spoke to me was a knife in my fragile heart?
Would you know I struggle with the dark thoughts in my own head trying not to listen to them?
Would you know that each day and night is a life and death battle for my life?
Would you truly know why I have made the choice I have made in life?
Would you know why I am who I am, what I have gone through the depths of HELL I have been through just to repeat it all again in my head never-ending, never forgotten?
No, you do not know the fight I fight daily, a battle against myself, against my own demons and self-hate of myself, I hide it well that you do not see it for I do not want to bother you!
No, you do not know I am struggling daily to find the reason to live and love for all you see is the fake smile I paste on my face after I have cried as I struggle to hold my head high and look as if nothing is wrong cause I do not want to bother you!
No, you do not really know what going on in my life for I do not show you or anyone what going on for why bother when I feel like if I did I would be bothering you!
No, you do not know what I am going through for if you did what could you do I be just bothering you!
No, you do not even begin to know the truth of what is going on that so called fraction you think you see is just an illusion from what you wanted to see to make you feel better besides why change it when if I did I be just bothering you!
No, of course you do not know the hurtful words you have said are the words that I have heard all my life hence why my heart is in that such fragile state it is, to hear how bad a person I am, how much a screw up I am, or how much a bad parent I am or I am just fucking up my child life are the same words that are whispered inside my own head but I do not want to bother you with that knowledge!
No, you do not know what thoughts that run savagely through my dark abyss of my Fucked up head, no I did not want to bother you!
No, you do not know each day and night is a life and death battle against forces you can never truly understand just cause I did not want to bother you!
No, you do not understand the importance of the choice I have made in my life especially when the choices really was not a choice at all but that of two of the lesser evil, for I did do not want to bother you!
NO, YOU DO NOT KNOW WHY I AM WHO I AM OR THAT I HAVE BEEN TO THE DEEPEST DEPTHS HELL FOR WHICH NO ONE HAS EVER BEEN AND SURVIVE LET ALONE HAVE TO REPEAT IT OVER AND OVER!
No, you do not for even if I had trusted you I have not told you all to protect you but also for I did not want to bother you or have you pity me!
No, you do not know me at all the illusion of what you see and think you know of me is just that an illusion I have let you keep for I DID NOT WANT TO BOTHER YOU!!!
I did not want to bother you, for I know you think I am worthless and a complete screw-up, but do not worry I shall never bother you anymore and maybe some day you look back and be proud of me!!!!!!!!
( ©®™2008-AHS-B-SAW-Company-2016 ™®© -NO SHARING OF WORKED UNLESS WRITER HAS AGREED)
